Journey as u may end it .................

Kusuma screamed and got out of her bed. She was feeling breathless and wanted some water. There she saw Rajan standing beside her with a glass of water and wanting to know if she was alright. Kusuma almost fainted. She couldn't believe it was Rajan. She got up and touched him and to her astonishment it was her Rajan. Rajan hugged Kusuma and asked if she had a bad dream. Only then did Kusuma realize that Rajan' s illness was indeed a dream. She was so happy to see Rajan , her Rajan again , healthy and happy that she was speechless. As she was feeling happy, there was a sudden lull that creeped into her. Why was there such a bad dream?? Are they the hidden fears, longings, dependencies and anxieities???Or is it indicative of something really bad that is going to happen??Then she decided to not interpret the dreams. But how can one dream so much in one night?? She then thought that her dream , if not for anything else was very educative in nature. If not for this, she wouldn't have known about paralysis, the agony one would go through, the mysterious shibhu and Manu......... she laughed at it all............... Then she saw Sharan in one corner of the room with his paper boat singing .................. 'ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT, GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM, MERRILLY MERRILLY MERRILLY MERRILLY, LIFE IS BUT A DREAM'.
She was very glad that it was just a dream.............................

Journey - XIII

Shibhu was now regular at Aakanksha with Manu. Manu was showing slow but steady improvement. K came up with new strategies for Manu that worked very well. Shibhu and Kusuma were now very good friends and often went out together for lunch. But back home, Kusuma was feeling low all the time looking at Rajan. She couldn't see him in so much pain. His eyes seemed to be wanting to tell her something these days. He was trying to convey something to her which she couldn't understand. But her routine hadn't changed a bit. Wake up early in the morning, give him massages, read newspaper for him, give him bath, prepare breakfast, send son to school, and by 10 am she would reach Aakanksha. But Aakanksha had somehow stopped to motivate her offlate . Shibhu was her only friend these days and Rajan her only hope.One day, after a long tiring day at work, K went to Rajan's room to feed him dinner. Rajan held her tight, very tight and started to cry. K cried too, but was unable to understand what Rajan wanted. She consoled him, kissed him, cuddled him and told him that she was there, come what may for him.Rajan then slowly tried and told Kusuma through actions that he doesn't want to live any more and see K go through so much pain because of him. Rajan was asking K to kill him. He pleaded her to mercy kill him and when saying so.......... both of them were uncontrollably crying.
Kusuma couldn't sleep that night. How can Rajan ask her for Euthanasia??? she thought. Can Rajan be a burden for her? Never she thought. Moreover, can she lead a life without Rajan's presence? No. It would n't be possible.........She was here as said earlier to give life ... Kusuma was not the one to take anybody's life.......... that too off Rajan??? Impossible..........................

Journey part XII

Shibhu wasn't surprised to see K at all. He gave a warm smile and asked" How are you?" Kusuma said:"Not bad Shibhu, you remember me"! , for which his reply was: "Well.... I hadn't forgotten you". They spoke for sometime about their professional lives and then Shibhu told that he was referred by Sameera to this place. He then spoke about his son Manu to her. Manu was an acutely autistic boy. He was 13 years old and very tall for his age. But his language was not yet developed and one look at him, anybody could tell that he was a boy with special needs. Then Kusuma started assessing Manu in detail. She looked at all his reports and was questioning Shibhu on Manu's developmental issues. It was then that Shibhu told K that Manu's mother left him long back because of marital discord and as it is a boy the court of law decided that Manu would be in the custody of his father. Shibhu told K on how he has been struggling to bring up Manu. While they were busy talking K also noticed that Manu was busy building blocks and stacking rings repetitively sitting in one corner. Another sign of autism, she thought. Now, it was almost one hour up and she had to leave. She asked Shibhu to come the next day and excused herself. That night after dinner, Kusuma sitting in her terrace garden thought of Shibhu. She had somehow felt very nice and relieved after talking to him. She thought of her first meeting with him at a party and how she had craved for his company then. Now things were different. That was probably infatuation she thought. But even after that evening at the party , Sameera had mentioned to her a couple of times that Shibhu had enquired about her. Shibhu hadn't changed much but for a extra few pounds. He still was extremely attractive. He was in his 40s now and he was a lawyer by profession. But K could feel a kind of pain in the way he spoke about his life with his wife and Manu. As far as Manu was concerned, K knew she would make a difference, as she had done earlier to hundreds of children. She was looking forward to meet Shibhu the next day.

journey Part XI

Rajan was discharged after 15 days. He was completely paralyzed. The once very handsome Rajan was now totally disfigured. To top it all, Rajan had lost his self esteem. He felt very low all the time and he had no hopes of recovering. Kusuma tried all that she could with him. There was a nurse appointed to take care of him all the time, there were 3 therapists coming in everyday to work on him. Sharan always questioned Kusuma on why his father wasn't talking to him, why he was always lying on the bed and why he looks so ugly these days!! Kusuma used to patiently answer all his questions only to lock herself in the bed room later on and cry inconsolably. Her parents and Ajju started visiting them more often now and she thanked God for giving her such a good family. Kusuma spent a lot of time with Rajan. She used to sing for him, tell him jokes, try to make him talk, hug him, kiss him and make him feel special. Not a single day, single minute did Kusuma ignore him. Aakanksha was running smoothly. She had appointed more people and had delegated a lot of responsibilities so that she could be more with Rajan. But Rajan's condition was deteriorating ......... The rehabilitation didn't seem to work at all. Rajan was in pain all the time. Kusuma had become a mere spectator of his suffering. She was doing all that she could. Trying to earn for the family, trying to give him the best in house care possible.. but all this was going waste.
A year passed by like this. Kusuma was extremely tired by now. She felt her life had no meaning to it. All her dreams were shattered, she had started feeling miserable. But her life had to go on.
It was mid december and was very cold outside. She went to Aakanksha wanting to come back soon as there was a doctor check up for Rajan that day. She was about to pack up when the phone rang from the reception and said that there is an appointment for her. The boy's name was Manu. She was furious ... because she wasn't informed of this earlier. She controlled her anger and told the lady at the reception to let them in. In came the father and son, Kusuma was surprised to see that the man who had come with Manu was Shibhu.

Journey - Part X

"Paralysis is one of the most common disabilities resulting from a stroke. Paralysis weakness the entire body from head to toe. It depends on the severity of the case. In some patients, there is only one side of Paralysis. We call it the hemiplagia. There is a disability caused out of the stroke again called ataxia and some patients also suffer cognitive defects called Apraxia - This is severe memory loss, attention loss, completely out of senses. In your husband's case, I am extremely sorry to say that hemiplagia and ataxia are of the highest degree. His left side is totally paralysed and infact his spinal cord is affected too. His muscles are totally stiff. i mean there is a lot of spasticity in them. Fortunately, I dont think so there is memory loss or apraxia of any kind. He would have to be here for a month more and let us start him off with the rehabilitation first. I wouldn't say he would be fit like before. We can atleast get Rajan to walk after few years.
Kusuma, I know it is very difficult to handle, but you got to take it all in your stride. It is going to be really painful for Rajan too........ Child, I pray god to give you strength."
Kusuma's eyes were filled with tears and so were Ajju's and her parents'.. She was let inside the ICU. There he was, her man, her only love, lying on the bed, totally unaware of what had happened to him. He was unconscious and she could see an oxygen mask covering his face. She went close to the bed and stared at him...... Tears rolled down her cheeks............. She couldn't imagine the pain that Rajan would go through once he gets his conscious back. Kusuma had never cried so much till that day. She believed in being happy and giving happiness to people around. But this day was different. She came out and wept and wept and wept............. till she asked her self the question , the answer to which she knew would never get ::: GOD, WHY ME???

Journey - Part IX

Kusuma immediately drove down to the hospital. She kept her cool even under such a situation. On her way to the hospital, she called up her bro Ajju , her parents and also her maid and asked her to stay back with Sharan at home that night. She was waiting for the doctors to come out of the ICU so that she could see Rajan as soon as possible.She just felt that it would be a minor accident and he would be discharged in a day or two. Little did she know about the severity of the accident. Also, she didn't know why and how the accident happened. All she wanted was to see Rajan , sit next to him and tell him that things would be fine and soothe his tired eyes and kiss his forehead gently. Rajan she knew was a survivor. Just then, she saw the doctors coming out of the ICU. She went forward and introduced herself to the doctors. A man in a white shirt and grey pant with spectacles came forward and said: "I am Dr. Deepak Parekh, the head of the department of Orthopaedics. So, Mam, Why dont u come inside ? Let us sit and talk. By then, Ajju and her parents were also there. she sat on the chair opposite Dr. Deepak's and she couldn't wait anymore. He asked :: Ms. Kusuma, tell me, how strong are you????

Journey - Part VIII

It was just a day after that wonderful holiday. K was getting ready to go to her school in the morning. Sharan had already left to his playschool and Rajan had decided to stay back home and relax. K was thinking about the waterfall, the trek , the candle light dinner and her 6th year anniversary gift by Rajan. Yes, he had gifted her a farm house!!! A big farm house in the outskirts of the city. K had a lot of work to do at Aakanksha that day. A lot of pending paper work, lots of calls to attend to and lots of meetings. It was already 5pm and she had worked continuously from morning. She had inbetween checked with her maid Prema if Sharan had reached home and he indeed had. She just got up to have her tea when the phone rang. It was Rajan's. K picked up the call and said: Hi dear, had your coffee??? In came the reply:: "Mam, are you Rajan's wife?? We are speaking from Modern Hospital and we are sorry to say that your husband Rajan has met with an accident and is in the ICU. Pls do not worry Mam. He is out of danger.If you can pls come soon...."